Sibling Day

Apparently it is National Sibling Day. Please enjoy the following tributes of love dedicated to each one of mine:

Joey



Dru



Kjersti

Some Things

Horchata. I'm not comfortable drinking rice. It makes me feel confused.

Rob's sleep-talking last night sounded like he was droppin' lyrics for Hootie and the Blowfish. "She's crazy. Her life was all she could create from nothin'." Seriously. That's what he said.

So getting a brazilian is weird because you're like, "Hey, nice to meet you. Take care of this, please?"

If it has Cream of Chicken in it, its never going to be bad.

Actually using the word "hashtag" in a conversation makes it way better. #hashtag, amiright?

Every time I pass a box of Cadbury Creme Eggs I feel like I need to slip them into a canvas, drawstring bag and journey with them to Mount Doom until they can be destroyed with fire. Dammit, Cadbury! You glorious manufacturers of chocolate!

I saw a billboard for UTI.edu. Apparently it stands for Universal Technical Institute. Except, it actually stands for urinary tract infection. The medical diagnosis had dibs on that acronym first and I feel like we should just let science keep it.

Every time I watch Thomas the Train and Thomas exclaims, "Bust my buffers!" I snicker a little and hope that my child will be more evolved than I am.

Don't Chill So Hard, Bro

Since quitting my job to become a full-time mom and health care provider for my super cute, albeit incredibly high-maintenance baby, I have had a hard time finding my niche here in Houston. I have especially found it difficult to find women with not only a kiddo my age, but who are also willing to let our said children terrorize one another during this fun activity we've coined, "the playdate." As an aside, a playdate is just an excuse for more than one individual to get together and ignore their children as a team, right? Anyway-there is a local group around my neighborhood that sponsors playgroups and different activities to give people the opportunity to connect. In order to be a part of the group the requirement includes attending a group-sponsored activity and getting a few names of the people you met. Once its verified that you aren't a sociopath you are inducted into the group. The intent to attend one of these events has always been there but for one reason or another it never happened. Earlier this week I checked the website and was determined to attend playgroup at the park.

Today was the day. It had been on my calendar all week. I would go, Robbie would steal their hearts with his whimsy and charm, and I would not make any jokes that would alarm anyone. 4:00pm. It was time. Side braid, check. Pastel headband, check. Teal jeans, check. Shiny white keds, check. Killin' it. Who wouldn't want to adopt this duo? My kid was wearing a V-neck with a tiny pocket...a TINY adorable pocket. Robbie shot me some finger-guns as we walked out the door (that didn't happen, but it could have). I asked Robbie if he was ready to go play on the wee (his word for a slide), he growled back, "FIRE TRUCK!" He was ready.

We get to the park. Not a toddler in sight. Some old people talking politics, an Indian couple having a picnic, and an enormous, empty field. For about 10 minutes Robbie wandered around occasionally looking back at me like, "what do you want me to do? where are all the promised people, mom?" I text Rob and told him that nobody had shown up to the park. His reply: "but Robbie's probably still having fun, right?" An empty field. An unreasonable amount of wind blowing stacks of leaves. And there's my dude. He found the one toy in the whole park, a big wheels car. Sitting inside, leaning back, sipping on some water. *Crickets* I can't even articulate how hilarious the scene was. I'm not doing it justice, I know I'm not. I laughed so hard I probably peed a little (but really, second pregnancy and all). Give me a car, sunshine, and some sweet, sweet wa. Honey badger don't care.

Pinterest captions edited by Yours Truly

Tips to look good while pregnant How to hide the fact that you're enormous
Mommy by day, crafter by night Mommy by day, crafter by moments my child will leave me alone
Drink this daily and watch the pounds come off without fuss So much diarrhea
Indoor tree house loft for kids with slide and swing Buckets of extra square-footage and nothing to do?
Chocolate covered strawberries for Easter! Chocolate covered everything for always!
Brown Sugar Banana Bread Pancakes Flat muffins
Donut muffins Donuts
Carrot chips Bake vegetables in sadness
Display Rustic Ladder Shelf! Store trinkets and bobbles on old wood held together with Gorilla glue
Never have I ever wanted a tattoo, but I want this. Indecisive stance on tattooing
Prosciutto-Wrapped Truffle Fries Bacon wrapped potatoes
What to Wear in Family Photos Harder than choosing a name for your unborn child
A Broccoli Recipe For The Best Broccoli EVER! Fake thing
Limoncello Blueberry Trifles Blueberries on top of lemon pudding in your grandma's old china
Lazy Day Oatmeal Cake Mix oatmeal, sugar and butter in the same bowl. serve warm.
purple dyed hair #tweenwuzhere
Wrap cookie dough around a mini candy bar and bake it in a muffin tin! Begin your journey with Diabetes
Romantic Dinners for Two Food that won't make you feel too fat to get naked
Brown & gray. Like these colours. I'm British. Just kidding, I just see it spelled both ways so I'm taking liberties
Dream House Ideas Extra tidbits to fuel feelings of inadequacy
i LOVE country men, but you can't go wrong with a man in a suit... I like men who aren't unattractive
Build strength during pregnancy Sure, I guess
Spray paint baby’s breath gold & silver for decorations Don't do this and just buy it at Hobby Lobby
Tiffany blue Nike Running shoes You can still look rich while you run

Topics I've considered blogging about breifly until I think about it for longer than 5 seconds

*Shaving (various aspects including but not limited to: pros and cons, where and why, preferable VS necessity).
*Catching my kid's vomit with an impressively narrow sippie cup while stopped at a light (I'm talkin' topping that sucker off with 8 ounces of Gross all while politely smiling at the car to my right)
*The murder of a pregnant house fly that took place several days ago. I'm not sorry for what I did. I didn't know it was pregnant but I knew it had no right to be as big as it was.
*Why I think it is acceptable to use the handicapped stall when pregnant
*The importance of the "hover" method in a public restroom and why it should be included in school curriculums
*Menchie's (the yogurt place) and why it sounds too close to "menses"
*What I can tell about you by the color of your poop
*Why I find it loathsome, embarrassing and uncouth to order chicken at a steakhouse
*Why Chambray is acceptable but jean shirts are still out

You're welcome.

Nope

Sometimes after I've taken a hiatus from blogging I feel like I should give an explanation but this time I'm wondering if everyone will just accept the following: I have a toddler and my life is no longer my own. Now that we've covered that, let's move on.

Some things I've learned about myself recently:
*I screen calls. I know its messed up but I do it, and I do it on the reg. Sorry in advance.

*I think binder clips are underutilized. After it's primary use, to keep toothpaste properly squeezed, you can also use them as a handy kitchen sponge dock, a cable organizer, and a money clip. I didn't even have to use Pinterest for that.

*I'd prefer to live on food that you might find in a 3rd grader's lunchbox. Dunkaroos, Little Debbies, those little packages of breadsticks and cheese (product) dip, Lunchables (preferably ham and cheese with the vanilla cookie), and most importantly, Gushers. Oh and I can get down with a good Uncrustable (grape jelly obvs) every now and then as well.

*I hate when people ask about any hobbies that I have. "Uhhhh...one time...I mean...I like...running." Lie. That's a lie. For some reason I immediately freeze and all I can think is, "I like to catch up on Hulu and buy novelty items at Target in the gift aisle."

*Being a mom makes me more approachable than I've ever cared to be. On more than one occasion a child at a playground (who does not belong to me) tries to hold my hand. Years of keeping people at a comfortable distance have all been thwarted by a child's inability to respond to carefully-crafted body mechanics. If you need a visual just think "Ron Swanson at a theme park."

*I met a waitress from the Ukraine who found it appalling that Americans eat cupcakes with their hands instead of with a fork. #america, that's why.

*My kid uses "nope" as a universal response to everything. I'm starting to think he's on to something. There are many times when it should probably be acceptable to just say, "nope" and walk away. For instance, when strangers want to share their birthing stories (yes, it happens. a lot) or when a patient won't disclose the location of the "oozing" wound they keep referring to. "Nope, cyaaaa."

*Serious Post*

I'll keep this as short and sweet as I can. I'll write this post in timeline form.

6/24- Robbie gets super sick. Fevers up to 103.8. Can't give NSAIDS to drop fever because of kidneys. The next 4 days are hellish and he barely eats (and can't even tolerate being tube fed).

6/29- Call my mom and tell her that I feel like if he doesn't start eating soon things are going to get so much worse. Feeling like we are at a "crossroad." His hair isn't growing, he hasn't grown in length/weight etc.

6/30- Robbie won't eat bottle but begins to sign the word "eat" in sign language. He tries a few bites of prunes. Call my dad and he mentions he felt like the timing was right and things had the potential to improve. Dreading the weight check in the morning knowing he has probably lost a significant amount of weight. Talk to bishop at church, he recommends a ward/family fast/prayer. Feeling a little better.  

7/1- Weight check. Praying in car that I don't have a total meltdown at the office when I see he's lost weight. Robbie gains 7 ounces. What?

7/3- I put out a note on Facebook to ask that people would join in on the fast/prayer. People responded immediately. People that I talk to frequently, people that I haven't talked to in years. I'm overwhelmed by the support.

7/4- Robbie tries to eat a few bites of prunes

7/7- Sunday. Robbie is well enough to go to church. Everyone mentions him in their prayers. The Bishop makes a comment that often "miracles come about in the most natural of ways." Feeling hopeful. Go to bed feeling like things are about to get better.

7/10- Robbie eats a whole container of pears

7/12- Robbie eats a whole container of pears

7/13- Robbie eats a whole container of pears

I know that we have a long way to go but I can't express in words how amazing it is to see him eat. I won't even try. I am just so grateful that so many people came together on the same day to ask for a miracle for Robbie. Up until last week he would begrudgingly drink his formula (in very small amounts). This week he is not only eating real food, but is also drinking flavored Pediasure (after weeks of slowly trying to introduce it). A friend saw him eating today and said, "Um...he's eating?"

He is eating. HE. IS. EATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obs

Now that I've quit my job I have literally nothing interesting to say. All I have are little observations I make during my day that I share with Robbie who, love him, but has some major struggs as far as banter goes.

Observation #1-A man passed me at the mall wearing Abercrombie cologne (don't pretend like you don't know what it smells like when the air starts to look like a mirage as you walk by the storefront and you are accosted by the pheromones of sweaty teens) and I felt sad.There's an expiration date on when it is no longer acceptable to wear said cologne and that's a soft-18, strong-19.

Observation #2-Sometimes I can't think of how to spell a word so I type it into The Google and hope that my phonetic spelling gets a hit. Sometimes I have to scroll down a whole page until I see what I'm looking for. At that point, I become so ashamed I can no longer use that word, and opt for a lesser synonym.

Observation #3-Growing up my mom helped me practice smiling in the mirror for school pictures. To this day as soon as I sense a camera is near, my face automatically turns, tilts, and smiles* (but not too much lest it look forced).

Observation #4-I can't watch movies more than once with the following exceptions: Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Star Wars. Those I will watch at least once a year, for the rest of my days.

Observation #5-I learned how to drive in my dad's work van that beeped when it backed up. I used to think it was really embarassing, but now I can't wait for Rob to dabble in the construction game around the time Robbie turns 16.

Now that I've shared these you can all secretly be disappointed that none of them include a ridiculous medical emergency, or a light-hearted spin on someone else's hardship.

*24 years of diligent practice

Happy Easter!

Robbie had his endoscopy this week. It went really well (except that they gave him a girly gown which he was not happy about) and now we're just waiting on the biopsy results.

We started him on a high calorie supplement powder last week and at his weigh in this week he had gained 10 ounces. His doctor (who has seen him once a week for his entire life) calls him Bob and this week added "The Piglet" to his name which Robbie seemed to like quite a bit.

We started him on an appetite stimulant this morning. In my head I imagine him eating bowls of gravy and porkchops from here on out. This morning we just started with applesauce and it went surprisingly well.

As many of you know our insurance company had denied us coverage of Robbie's delivery, surgery, and NICU stay in the beginning of his life. It's a long story but basically they said he could have been taken care of at an HCA hospital (who I work for) even though they don't have a Children's hospital. After three appeals they finally approved us. This is the difference between owing $40,000 or $0. We now owe $0. Boom.

To celebrate I put Easter Eggs all over the patio and Robbie would gather them and bring them back like the faithful little puppy he is. He then danced to all of the birds chirping with his signature head bob.

I also spent about an hour yesterday teaching him to high-five. It was worth it.

Fake Blogger

I don't usually have anything valuable to blog about. That is, you won't get any legit advice about anything that will impact your life in any way. I have tons of fake advice to dole out concerning when and what to do in a hospital setting, but let's be real, you're going to go to the ER for your congestion x12 weeks regardless of what I say. I can also tell you all about what I think is and is not appropriate behavior in public forums, but I'm obviously no authority on these things. I once participated in a dance-off with a sketchy character at a club that ended with losing my belt (not in a weird way, I didn't rip it off or anything. I think I was just trying out the precariously-placed-belt-that-doesn't-actually-go-through-belt-loops thing, and that in and of itself shows I've had my share of poor judgement calls). It wasn't okay.

Anyway, I don't know if you've noticed, but an extraordinarily large amount of people have taken to "advice blogging." You know all those people that love to give unsolicited advice (pot, kettle, black...I think you can put it together)? Now they have this boundless forum to do exactly that (comments=disabled, because who wants to be corrected on their own blog? Rude)!

"Where should I travel next? I think that one chick wrote a blog/posted a bunch of selfies of herself in Europe...maybe she knows. What should I do with my kid this evening? That chick has a sepia cover photo of her family at the park, I need to hit up that blog. I'm fat, but that dude's ripped and he's listed all of his supplements on his blog (complete with a before and after photo that was obviously NOT photoshopped, wait...) Yahtzee!"

Since the only thing I am an expert on is glitter and high-top buns (stay tuned for an Easy-Updo-In-Five-Minutes blog post, coming soon!) I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon and give some super useful (but likely not) advice.

*If you're planning a trip, spend a freak-ton of money first, then you can use all of your points from your credit card to pay for it.

*When microwaving cheese, add 1 cup of water to make the cheese softer. What?

*To get the butt you've always wanted, forget the gym, and hit up some Cadbury Eggs found at your local convenience store (while supplies last). Take 3/day and maybe add some of the mini Cadbury eggs with the crispy shell as a supplement (eat at least two small packages, or if they have the 30oz on sale, definitely go for that).

*Recent polls show abbreviating most of your vocab does not make you sound less intelligent (but seriously, I can't stop).

*Olive Garden is not actually Italian food, maybe not even a real restaurant. Fear all copy-cat recipes. Just because their breadsticks taste like magic, doesn't make it right.

*Weight Watchers is the best dieting plan because basically you can just starve and then eat a cheeseburger the size of Wreck It Ralph's fists (btw, great flick, 4 stars) with absolute reckless abandon (preferably in the comfort of your own home).

*The best hotels to travel with small pets are non-existent, because your pet doesn't need a vacay. Stop it.

*If you're looking for some stimulating reading material just type in dystopian youth novels into Google and read every single one. Do not neglect your child while doing so and think that throwing him/her toys from the couch counts as playing together. If you're sitting on the ground with them, that's a different story.

*If you're looking for new activities to do with your family, try getting back to the basics. Naps for everyone.

*Finally, when writing a blog post about useful tips, always link to a legit website like Wikipedia, Google, or better yet, Ask Jeeves (but for reals Jeeves, it's been a long time since you've been accurate about anything, am I right? Fist bump).

Piggy

When I was young I had my share of some unfortunate medical issues. For about a year of my childhood I was in and out of surgery, frequenting physical therapy, taking medication that is literally no longer prescribed to children (Valium; turns out it has the opposite effect on kids. Thanks, mom and dad for staying up all night with me while I ran up and down stairs), sitting out on recess and gym class, watching out the window while my siblings jumped on the trampoline (dramatic, I know), and crying because I had a half-body cast on two separate occasions (4th graders are mean).

My big brother, Dru bought me a stuffed animal pig a few Christmas' before. I named him Piggy, as I was always the clever one. Piggy, like many stuffed animals for children, became my crutch. I loved him so much. When the year of my hellish medical history arrived, Piggy was the most important thing to me. He  loved all of the same things I did, he was always awake when I was, and even loved watching Star Wars as much AND as frequently as I did. Some nights I would cry and cry because everything hurt so bad and Piggy would cry too.

Looking back, I see how kids become so attached to an inanimate object. Piggy was a security and safety that I just couldn't duplicate. Tonight I was holding Robbie while he fell asleep. He has been struggling most of his life and has had a few weeks recently where it just feels like things are never getting better. He will have a procedure done this upcoming week and be kept in the hospital again. I thought about the surgeries that I had to have when I was young. My mom always brought Piggy to the hospital, and in my 9-year-old brain it felt like since he was there, I'd be okay. I put Robbie down in his crib and rummaged around in his box of toys and animals. At the bottom was Piggy, whom I brought all the way to Texas when I moved, in the hopes that if I had a baby, he would love him too. I put the old, worn animal in the crib to watch over my sweet baby and realized why he was so important to me. Piggy did everything with me. Ate breakfast, watched TV, played, told stories, and every night when I knelt down to pray, Piggy prayed with me. I associate him with innocence, life and surviving painful, hard times. When I think about it, I know that Robbie will have hard times to come, but he will get through them and will come out the other side having had opportunities to grow and be strengthened that were very much individualized for him. Just like we all do. I also know that I won't always be the one who can give him what he needs but he will find comfort in the joys that life has to offer. Maybe even in something as simple as a stuffed animal pig.

??

When someone misspells a word in a status, or especially in a super-aggressive rant, I desperately comb through the comments to see if anyone mentions it. But they never do, because that would be rude. But, can it not be rude? Can we make it, not rude? Isn't it better? If I pronounced something horribly, horribly wrong, isn't it best to tell me? Just put me out of my misery? Doesn't that fall under some sort of ethical responsibility? And can I not be a jerk because of the unwritten rule that if you post something publicly, it's open to scrutiny? That's a thing, right?

Chief Complaint: It's hard to use my words

Me: What brings you to the Emergency Room today?
Patient: Oh you know...
Me: ...is that a question? Because I asked you first...
Patient: Well you know, I just be like not like feelin right, you know. Like I be hot and cold and hot and cold and like my temperature be like all up and down and up and down n shi*.
Me: Mmmk
Patient: You know like I dunno if I be dehydrated or like you know if I be like stressed, you know. Like I be doin things and it aint right. You know like I'm stressed a lot and be like tired n shi*.
Me: K, so you have a fever and your thirsty, and shi*?
Patient: Yeah
Me: ...

What It's Come To

Rob agreed to start taking a daily vitamin if I bought them in gummy form. Realizing it's a new day and getting to take my gummy vitamin has come pretty close to my favorite part of the day. Of course, behind the rewarding stuff and stuff of being a stay-at-home-mom, etc.

My typical route home includes making a left-hand turn off of a busy street. There is a turning lane. We share this turning lane with people coming from the opposite direction. The people coming the other way almost ALWAYS hop into the turning lane like a half a mile away, leaving those of us who are trying to utilize the turning lane correctly, to risk our lives trying to wedge our way into the lane. If my street is literally RIGHT there, I get to be the one in the turning lane. ME. Not you. You have another 5 minutes before your turn. I will kill a man.

I was at the grocery store and my cashier looked just like an Avatar from the game, Just Dance. I told him so. After a few misguided comments I realized it sounded like I was making a serious play at him. So after my face was red enough that I could feel it in my ears, I basically sprinted towards the door. The good thing is, Robbie was with me, just to add a little extra weird.

I went to Whole Foods to pick up sushi for Valentine's day. You don't have to cook it...see where I'm going with this? Anyway, after searching for the sushi stand I asked an employee if they even carried Sushi. I was met with the judging eyes of a disgusted-hipster-passerby who just happened to overhear my question and after looking up from his book, while pushing his cart (seriously), he pointed me in the right direction (without meeting my eyes). Whatever, Whole Foods. It's not like I wasn't wearing Terra Cotta colored ankle skinnies and a chambray button up, I totally was. What more do you want from me? How can I make you feel like I belong? Is it because I forget my reusable grocery bag? Sike, I don't even own one, jokes on you!

I bought a Papyrus card for Rob. They always include a little gold envelope seal with every card. There was no gold seal. What kind of cheap piece of... Banned.

I'm anti Anti-Valentine's day people. You guys suck. "I just hate that I have to be told what day to love my loved ones." Whatever. Shut up. Just buy some flowers, eat some chocolate and don't be the worst." Valentine's day is a manufactured blah blah blah." You hate love, and you hate America. 

I've never seen Rob more excited to meet/talk to anyone than he was to meet a blogger from Grantland.com this past weekend. He saw him on the street and literally hung his head out the window and called out his name. We met him later that night at a restaurant. As you see, it was me that ended up taking a picture with him.

My most recent theory...

Facts:
-Robbie puked from 2 months old-a few weeks ago, 20+ times a day (not spit-up, vomit, bad).
-He's been in the 14 pound range for 6 weeks now and has stayed the same weight for 3 weeks.
-I've tried medication, bottles, formula, feeding times, flavoring, EVERYTHING
-When anything food related touches his mouth he freaks out
-He hates drinking formula but he loves drinking water, and ice. Take away his ice, and he loses his mind
-He wakes up after 12 hours and could take or leave his bottle. He has no interest and no appetite.
-Despite all of this he is extraordinarily pleasant
Theory-
My mom is visiting and she started researching appetite enhancers (specfically the medication, Megace, which you give to anorexic patients, cancer patients or any other patient who is not inclined to eat). Upon researching this we have stumbled upon Zinc deficiency and other vitamin and mineral deficiencies causing appetite suppression. Zinc, specifically, can cause appetite suppression and cause things to taste bitter. Iron deficiencies can cause a condition called PICA where the patient will crave non-nutritive things and often have perpetual craving to eat ice. Vitamin D deficiencies cause malabsorption and poor growth. Patients with renal issues are typically deficient in these areas. I also had a friend who spoke with a pediatrician who explained how common these issues are and how he was surprised that none of these ideas had been explored previously.
Plan-
We've started with blood work to test for these deficiencies and hope that what we will find is that it is in fact the cause for his issues. The solution is simple, and would include supplementing these vitamins and minerals daily.
To be frank, it seems pretty lame that nobody has come up with this before (any of his 3 doctors) when it seems to be such a common side effect with children in his condition. Regardless, we are hoping for the best and that we have hit on something promising. Fingers crossed.


Also, on his free time he enjoys chopping and gathering firewood.

Let's Talk About Some Things...

When I was single Rob used to show up at my apartment, walk in without knocking, sit down on my couch and say, "Let's talk about some things..." After he listed off his various topics and got a sufficient response he usually left. He really took the idea of being "aloof" to a whole other level, and I was apparently super into it.

But really, let's talk about some things:
-Sometimes when I give Robbie a bath I worry that he ingests as much glitter as I find on his person.
-I bought some fancy crackers today and they tasted just like Chicken in a Biskit. I was not disappointed.
-When I work my one shift out of the month I'm in an obnoxiously good mood the whole time. People are like, "Hey Kasey, you're patient doesn't look too good." I'm like, "Sweet, lemme just dannnnce my way back in there then. You're right, there is probably a situation here, cha, cha, cha!"
-If your dog poops in my yard, and then I almost hit it, I feel like an eye for and eye, yeah? That's still a thing, right? Does that apply here? I think it does.
-When my baby pukes in public (he usually reserves it for the grocery store) I pretend that I have no idea why he would be doing that and act completely mortified because he definitely doesn't do that at least 20 times every day. If I stay calm I feel like I'm saying, "Yeah, he puked. So? This is socially acceptable. I knew there was a 90% chance this would happen and I came into the produce section anyway!"
-Fake poinsettias>real poinsettias. Poinsettias are just a high-maintenance and underachieving flower/plant/leaf/whatever. They are seriously impossible to keep alive. Especially if you don't water them, or put them in sunlight. Worst. Plant. Ever. Why can't they ever just be like the cactus and learn to be a little bit more self sufficient?
-Holiday drivers suck. It's Christmas, you buttholes. Give a courtesy wave at the very least after you cut me off.

Call me old fashioned...

I like being a stay-at-home-mom.
I like doing girl things.
I don't ever think, "Man, I wish I was a guy."
I'm okay with being the one who cleans and does the laundry.
I believe in equality within a marriage but that is not to say we have to split all responsibilities down the middle; we have separate responsibilities and that's fine.
If someone makes a remark about my looks I feel like, "Sweet, thanks for noticing."
I believe that "feminism" began as a noble cause to establish equal rights and has now turned into, "we should all be interchangeable beings regardless of gender."
God created us.
There has to be a happy medium between embracing our genders and being treated with equal respect.
Double standards exist. They always will. I'm not offended when a guy wants to open the door for me. Does he expect the same from me? No. Is he going to start a protest about it? Probably not.
Whatevs. Sometimes I just feel like I'm being represented by women who hate being women, and I'm out on that.

Serious blog concluded.

The entrepreneurial spirit

In my younger years I dabbled in the cards game a bit. Greeting cards, that is. It all began with Paint (the windows application). I was nine and I had already procured a desk in the basement where my dad's office was. I had an extensive working knowledge of how to use the phone to call every other desk in the basement and leave detailed messages describing business venture after business venture. I knew one thing, I loved making forms. I used to create tests (history, math, etc) for my family on Paint. I loved the idea of having that kind of control...grading and all of that. It did rub me the wrong way that upon grading everyone was always getting a perfect score. It could have been that I didn't figure out you make all of the blanks in the fill-in-the-blank section equal length. Those jerks didn't even pretend to get one wrong! Or it could have been that I assumed pulling some of the questions from my hardest 4th grade exams would do the trick. But alas, every time I was dolling out 100%s and A+s. I was using up my best stickers and glitter every time I had to grade a perfect paper! I knew something had to give; I was squandering precious Lisa Frank resources! I started to doubt myself as an educator and I think this is about the time I began looking at other options.

As I mentioned, forms were the driving incentive for me. I needed something that would allow me to create form after form and force other people to fill them out. Thus spawned, my most successful business venture of '97, Kasey's Card Shop.

It was genius. The forms included a place for your name, contact info, type of card wished to purchase, personalized message, and even a check box for "glitter," "no glitter." I began my hustle by changing all of the phones in the basement to include my logo next to one of the many lines my dad had. He told me I could use it for my shop, though today, I am a little suspicious that it was being used for non-card related business. Dad? Then of course I made a name plate for my desk out of metallic markers and construction paper. Now I could really get to work. My aunt was working for a paper company at the time so she brought me tons of card stock that would have been wasted otherwise. I gathered my tools, Crayola, Lisa, and Elmer's and began to make prototypes for each season. I figured KCS was like those restaurants that bring out the tray of assorted desserts so you can get a better sensory experience of what you're getting into. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Get Well, Congratulations, and my personal fav, "Just Because." I also think I had a "blank inside" option just in case you wanted to make sure the recipient felt how personal it was, while also enjoying the famed artwork of a 9 year old.

The final step in really launching the business was to order about a thousand free sample "Kasey's Card Shop" return labels. If my own phone line, desk, and swivel chair didn't make me official, I knew the labels were going to put me over the top.

I began soliciting in a safe space, the kitchen, living room, bedrooms etc. I also attending open-forum activities that would give me the best chance of discovery, Family Home Evening, Family Prayer, Dinner and so on. I then moved to bigger clients, the missionaries, neighbors, my big brother's friends. They all seemed so relieved that they finally found a card shop that could meet all of their needs. Even though I think some of my brothers friends were more interested in sniffing the glue. But either way, I was expanding. I had orders coming in from all over and between juggling the finances, store front (I did have my own Christmas tree for my office complete with a paper chain and homemade ornaments), using the industrial-sized paper cutter to create the perfect forms, AND cutting, coloring, and gluing, I felt like it was the right time to bring on an employee.* My big sister. She would be in charge of all glitter orders. And man, could she glitter. Such precise measuring of how much glitter was necessary, where and when to shake. She was a great asset. However, late in the year, before the surge of Christmas orders, there was an incident and I had to let her go. The details are foggy but I think it involved a bossy, crazed younger sister trying to manager her older sister who was helping as a favor anyway. After I found myself overwhelmed with orders, I went to our HR rep, mom, to mediate a discussion that would hopefully result in the reemployment of said big sister. Feelings were mended and she took her seat next to me as Glitter Extraordinaire once again.

My big break came when my oldest brother ordered 50 Christmas cards for friends. Kjersti and I went to work. We were pulling out all of the stops, the designs included all original artwork, Christmas trees, gifts, bells, holly, nativities etc. We made our deadline and filled the order right in time for Christmas break. It's unclear whether or not the cards made it out that year, but I had done my best work and felt pride in what I had accomplished.

KCS would continue to boom for about a year. I made between$10-20 a month. I'm sure the number of cards I sold had nothing to do with the fact that I'm pretty sure my mom was reimbursing my customers, or that I was, at the time, handicapped with some severe shoulder problems and people felt bad. No, I don't think they were pity purchases that put me on top. I think I just exemplified the American dream of a small business owner. I was local, personable, easy to reach (line 3), proactive customer service (don't like your card, pay me and I'll make you a brand new one!), and if you worked for my dad you received, free of charge, a handcrafted envelope with your paycheck every two weeks (I believed in giving back to the community).

The years I spent at KCS were some of my best. One day, I think I'd like to get back to the basics once again. Glue, glitter, repeat, break for trampoline time where you pretend you're in the Olympics and your performing to the Spice Girls, and then back to the grind. Those really were the good ole days.


*I'm not sure she ever received any of the profits, remind me I owe you, Kj.

For the record, that is not an original from KCS (you should have suspected due to the lack of glitter

Crafty

To keep myself busy during the election, I crafted. And I crafted hard.

Update

Just a brief update on my sweet Robbie baby. He has been gaining weight steadily and is now finally in the 5% percentile, woo! His renal failure is considered stage 3 (out of 5) but the nephrologist said that if his Creatinine comes down even 1-2 hundredths of a point it would downgrade him to stage 2 (I'm hoping we can just pray it down 😊)

He is happy all of the time and never cries (I'm not exaggerating). He will occasionally let out some exacerbated grunts but he reserves the crying strictly for blood draws. He's developmentally super strong and seems to be getting the hang of this whole "life" thing.

Rob and I couldn't be happier to have this little guy hanging around.