Wednesday, April 25, 2012
My career has peaked...I may as well retire
I feel like this post would be better if I just videotaped a monologue but Rob's not home to film me. I'm worried you won't get the whole feeling behind it...but here goes...
Today...today...TODAY I delivered a BABY. What?!?! Scene: I was wheeling a pregnant lady in from her car, she told me her baby was coming, I put my hand down and sure enough felt a little tiny head. I knelt down in front of the wheelchair, pulled off her sweats...and delivered her baby (it basically happened all under 60 seconds). The membrane was intact so I tore it off his little face, suctioned his little nose and mouth, wrapped him in wash clothes (the closest thing someone could get their hands on), and handed him to his momma.
Afterwards, I cried. Wept. Way too pregnant to be delivering babies...the amount of emotion I felt made me feel like I was going to implode...or go into labor. Anyway, I went to check on her after my shift and here we are with that sweet little bebe.
Literally, the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
hellllp
My faith in humanity was restored today at Costco. While standing outside unloading groceries I got to the worst part, lifting a case of 70 water bottles into my trunk. I think I must have just been standing and staring at it when a guy came up and said, "Can I help you with the water?" I tried to play it cool for a second but I was so tickled, as my dad would say, that I couldn't help but reply with a weirdly enthusiastic, "YES!" before he was even done offering. Whatever, I don't care, I have been in a similar situation so many times where I desperately need help carrying something and people just walk by, so who cares if I was a little over zealous. I just wanted him to know how grateful I was. Even if it made him regret offering almost immediately.. 
(I'm the old, grateful, lady)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Before coming to the ER...
Here are a few things to ponder:
Do I actually have a medical emergency? What constitutes a medical emergency you ask? Excellent question, lets delve right in shall we?
*Medical emergency with blood: vomiting blood, peeing blood, bloody stool, bleeding from your eyes, bleeding from an artery, bleeding due to loss or near loss of limb, bleeding varicies because you can't put the bottle down, and bleeding from a gunshot wound or any other other penetrating object.
*NON-medical emergency with blood: Most head wounds (try washing away the blood and you'll see that the scratch causing the mess is less than a cm wide and bandaids only cost like $4 at Walgreens), bleeding from a large pimple you've been scratching, bleeding from a hangnail, and very importantly, bleeding because its the 15th of the month again, please understand, this is in fact, normal.
*Medical emergency with chest pain: You feel like there is an elephant having a tea party on your chest and tums are NOT working, you have a history of like 20 heart surgeries and you've decided to stop taking your medicine, the pain is accompanied by extreme shortness of breath.
*NON-medical emergency with chest pain: You've had a cough for 7 months and it makes your chest hurt, you were punched and/or tackled playing flag football, you smoke 7 packs a day, or you've had a recent chest wax (gross).
This list could pretty much go on forever, so I'll just throw out a few examples of where, I promise, if you stay home, it's all good:
-You got soap in your eyes (I don't understand, is it made with turpentine? what's the problem here...)
-You feel sad (rest assured whomever checks you in will put a large sadface emoticon next to you chief diagnosis)
-You have a weird rash X5 months
-You were watching Discovery health and you think you're overweight (here's an apple?)
-You prefer an $800 pregnancy test to a $5 OTC pregnancy test (The one's a hospital uses are probably cheaper than the dollar store brand...)
-You think you have the flu. Well good thing you came because we just barely came up with a cure for Influenza...wait, no, no we didn't.
Do I actually have a medical emergency? What constitutes a medical emergency you ask? Excellent question, lets delve right in shall we?
*Medical emergency with blood: vomiting blood, peeing blood, bloody stool, bleeding from your eyes, bleeding from an artery, bleeding due to loss or near loss of limb, bleeding varicies because you can't put the bottle down, and bleeding from a gunshot wound or any other other penetrating object.
*NON-medical emergency with blood: Most head wounds (try washing away the blood and you'll see that the scratch causing the mess is less than a cm wide and bandaids only cost like $4 at Walgreens), bleeding from a large pimple you've been scratching, bleeding from a hangnail, and very importantly, bleeding because its the 15th of the month again, please understand, this is in fact, normal.
*Medical emergency with chest pain: You feel like there is an elephant having a tea party on your chest and tums are NOT working, you have a history of like 20 heart surgeries and you've decided to stop taking your medicine, the pain is accompanied by extreme shortness of breath.
*NON-medical emergency with chest pain: You've had a cough for 7 months and it makes your chest hurt, you were punched and/or tackled playing flag football, you smoke 7 packs a day, or you've had a recent chest wax (gross).
This list could pretty much go on forever, so I'll just throw out a few examples of where, I promise, if you stay home, it's all good:
-You got soap in your eyes (I don't understand, is it made with turpentine? what's the problem here...)
-You feel sad (rest assured whomever checks you in will put a large sadface emoticon next to you chief diagnosis)
-You have a weird rash X5 months
-You were watching Discovery health and you think you're overweight (here's an apple?)
-You prefer an $800 pregnancy test to a $5 OTC pregnancy test (The one's a hospital uses are probably cheaper than the dollar store brand...)
-You think you have the flu. Well good thing you came because we just barely came up with a cure for Influenza...wait, no, no we didn't.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Rob is awesome
So its definitely been over a month. Yikes. Sorry. I have been adjusting to life in Houston, the new job, new place etc. Everything is going well. Work is awesome, our apartment is awesome, and Houston is growing on me. Although, the heat is not. I know I live in Texas and sweating at 9pm at night is a norm, but here in Houston its a whole other ball game. The humidity is BRUTAL. Anyway. Boring.
My real incentive for writing is because Rob and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary on Friday (did we really make it two years?) and it was AWESOME. Let me explain. I had worked a 12 hour shift and on my way home called Rob to see what he was up to (even though I knew the answer: working). He told me to call when I got close to the apt and he would meet me there. About twenty minutes later I called him and he told me that I needed to go upstairs, hop in the bath (which was already drawn), and be ready for a car to pick me up at 8:30 to take me to the ZaZa. Whaaaat. So I did both and around 8:30 a black towne car came around the corner. Awesome. I felt so important...looking out at all the other people that had to drive their OWN cars. HA! Not me, suckaa! Anyway, so I got to the hotel, met Rob, (and in the nick of time too, as he was being propositioned by a lovely pride of cougars about 5 drinks deep) and went to our room which was right on the corner with an awesome view of downtown and a big fountain display. The hotel had sent up chocolate covered strawberries and a chilled bottle of Martinellis. Rob later explained that he had requested a non-alcoholic beverage be sent up in lieu of the Champagne due to his wife struggling through recovery...the hotel graciously obliged. We ate dinner at the hotel restaurant which was delicious annnnd skipping to breakfast, we also ate at the hotel restaurant, which was again, delicious.
Pretty much Rob is awesome.
The end.
My real incentive for writing is because Rob and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary on Friday (did we really make it two years?) and it was AWESOME. Let me explain. I had worked a 12 hour shift and on my way home called Rob to see what he was up to (even though I knew the answer: working). He told me to call when I got close to the apt and he would meet me there. About twenty minutes later I called him and he told me that I needed to go upstairs, hop in the bath (which was already drawn), and be ready for a car to pick me up at 8:30 to take me to the ZaZa. Whaaaat. So I did both and around 8:30 a black towne car came around the corner. Awesome. I felt so important...looking out at all the other people that had to drive their OWN cars. HA! Not me, suckaa! Anyway, so I got to the hotel, met Rob, (and in the nick of time too, as he was being propositioned by a lovely pride of cougars about 5 drinks deep) and went to our room which was right on the corner with an awesome view of downtown and a big fountain display. The hotel had sent up chocolate covered strawberries and a chilled bottle of Martinellis. Rob later explained that he had requested a non-alcoholic beverage be sent up in lieu of the Champagne due to his wife struggling through recovery...the hotel graciously obliged. We ate dinner at the hotel restaurant which was delicious annnnd skipping to breakfast, we also ate at the hotel restaurant, which was again, delicious.
Pretty much Rob is awesome.
The end.
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