Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Don't Chill So Hard, Bro

Since quitting my job to become a full-time mom and health care provider for my super cute, albeit incredibly high-maintenance baby, I have had a hard time finding my niche here in Houston. I have especially found it difficult to find women with not only a kiddo my age, but who are also willing to let our said children terrorize one another during this fun activity we've coined, "the playdate." As an aside, a playdate is just an excuse for more than one individual to get together and ignore their children as a team, right? Anyway-there is a local group around my neighborhood that sponsors playgroups and different activities to give people the opportunity to connect. In order to be a part of the group the requirement includes attending a group-sponsored activity and getting a few names of the people you met. Once its verified that you aren't a sociopath you are inducted into the group. The intent to attend one of these events has always been there but for one reason or another it never happened. Earlier this week I checked the website and was determined to attend playgroup at the park.

Today was the day. It had been on my calendar all week. I would go, Robbie would steal their hearts with his whimsy and charm, and I would not make any jokes that would alarm anyone. 4:00pm. It was time. Side braid, check. Pastel headband, check. Teal jeans, check. Shiny white keds, check. Killin' it. Who wouldn't want to adopt this duo? My kid was wearing a V-neck with a tiny pocket...a TINY adorable pocket. Robbie shot me some finger-guns as we walked out the door (that didn't happen, but it could have). I asked Robbie if he was ready to go play on the wee (his word for a slide), he growled back, "FIRE TRUCK!" He was ready.

We get to the park. Not a toddler in sight. Some old people talking politics, an Indian couple having a picnic, and an enormous, empty field. For about 10 minutes Robbie wandered around occasionally looking back at me like, "what do you want me to do? where are all the promised people, mom?" I text Rob and told him that nobody had shown up to the park. His reply: "but Robbie's probably still having fun, right?" An empty field. An unreasonable amount of wind blowing stacks of leaves. And there's my dude. He found the one toy in the whole park, a big wheels car. Sitting inside, leaning back, sipping on some water. *Crickets* I can't even articulate how hilarious the scene was. I'm not doing it justice, I know I'm not. I laughed so hard I probably peed a little (but really, second pregnancy and all). Give me a car, sunshine, and some sweet, sweet wa. Honey badger don't care.


Molly said...

I think it's pronounced "cur" as in.. "Honey badger don't cur."
(cry/laughing emoji)
You almost make me want to attend to my blog again. You're hilarious.
Molly, Jay & Eli
Your Utah cousins (holla!)

kjersti said...

This Is My Favorite So FaR. Absolutely Perfect

Leah Sannar said...

Hilarious as always. I wish we lived closer! We have a pretty great play group here. Robbie is so dang cute!! LOVE the finger guns, totally laughed out loud. Dominic thought I was crazy.

Whacky Wheelers said...

I enjoyed play groups so much when Matthew was younger . . . until they found out I was the age of the mother and the could be my child. Bummer! Besides age is a state of mind and I am still working on 29!

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Kelly Bandas said...

I just died a little reading this. Hilarious.