2 or 3?

Does one hot dog ever actually fill anybody up? Be honest, because I just don't see it.

drip, drop, drip, drop

So at work we have something called "Kronos." This is basically our time-keeping software. So every day you work you can log in and see what time you clocked in and out. Now, its set up in a grid fashion and if there is ever a mistake with a punch in/out it will be highlighted in red. Technically my shift begins at 6:45am and ends at 7:15pm so that we can give report to the employees coming on. I understand the 6:45 thing because you need to get report, and you need to get settled...HOWEVER the 7:15 thing doesn't make ANY sense to me. If you figure they are going to be there at 6:45 why should you have to stay 15 minutes AFTER they get settled in? After 12 hours of the dirtiest work fathomable, 15 minutes is a lifetime. All I want is to go home and light my scrubs on fire and quarantine the ashes for fear that all the bacteria could potentially bring them to life...

Anyway, back to the time keeping grid...you can only clock in up to six minutes before your shift and clock out up to six minutes after your shift. If you are seven minutes early or one minute late, RED BOX, seven minutes late or one minute early, RED BOX.

Every day I have to come in and look at this grid with random red boxes, it just sends my day into a tailspin! Either they all need to be red or they all need to be fresh, clean black lines. So Monday is the most important day of the week. If I am late clocking in I know there will be a red box waiting for me, so I will have to clock out early or late in order to keep that consistent for the week. Every other week I have to do whatever I can to ensure that if I'm late on Monday I will have red boxes (which isn't that hard, I can loiter with the best of them) or if I'm punctual, I have to make sure I am on time with each shift (which is a little more difficult: they have delicious cranberry muffins they only serve before the morning shift).

I just can't handle the red boxes. Its pretty much the equivalent of Chinese water torture.

black box
*
*
RED BOX
*
*
black box
*
*
black box
*
*
black box

Take a chance on me

If anyone needs to find me on a Saturday morning, my apartment is the one blaring ABBA.

Magic cards and EVERYTHING

So i was trying to remember this AWESOME game we used to play when I was younger. And the only place I could find it was on Boardgamegeek.com. What the heck!? Regardless, its the most amazing game ever. Nobody can ever say I hate games again.

And so it goes

Lost is the best TV series ever. Thank you J.J. Abrams.

Somehow its perfectly acceptable to wear half your shirt tied up if you're two stepping.

Buying toilet paper is embarrassing, even though everybody uses it.

Since blondes and redheads get their own stereotype what does that mean for brunettes?

French fries are tasty, but not a decent lunch substitute.

When I wake up after a long night of dancing and can barely lift my arms, it was a good night.

If you are Middle Eastern and either a doctor or an assassin, you have a 90% chance of being really hot.*

When I get flustered I repeat whatever it is someone else is trying to say to me.

I think I love to dance more than anything else in this whole world.

*100% ambiguous number

A conglomeration, if you will

Last night I feel asleep in theses huge over-sized shorts that tend to ride. I dreamt I was a heavy weight boxer.

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In other news, it is likely my hospital has a mind of its own. There is some sort of weird vibe that gets everybody acting crazy and weird things start to happen. Every few weeks I'll have a day that goes something like this: patients refusing to be bathed (but why, its been days?), hospital beds going up and down on their own, IV's beeping when nothing has been hung, and my personal favorite...while rushing down the hall in the back of my mind past all the blood pressures, urine counts, and who needs a juice cup, I hear something. Like a buzzing? But nobody else is in the hall, what could be buzzing? And then of course I look over at a vitals machine and the blood pressure cuff has taken it upon itself to inflate and deflate accordingly. Measuring whoever's ghost still lingers in the hallway spreading this weirdness like a virus. Maybe Toy story was right. Its like, Hospital Equipment Story, and when nobody is looking it all comes to life. Bedside commodes lifting their lids to speak, IV poles scooting down the hall, blood pressure cuffs competing over who inflates the largest...think about it.

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I heard someone say "we useta could" the other day. She has a PhD in occupational therapy? Maybe if we weren't so concerned with treating all kids in our education systems on the same learning level, the supposed "bright kids" would learn not to say, "useta could."

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We booed Bush off the stage at the inauguration? Really? I'm glad all the hypocritical advocates for equality and change had an opportunity to demonstrate just how much BS that really is.

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To end on a lighter note; one of my patients threw her Jell-O at her doctor the other day. Way to take a stand Edna!

First star on the right...straight on til morning

When I was little I used to think my shadow was Peter Pan. My mom always tries to tell me how bright I was from a young age...that can't be right.

Today Airport Parking charged me 2 dollars for one minute over the "free period," dangit.

Dogs are good for one thing: motivation to run faster so you don't look stupid and slow being drug along. Stupid and slow are no good.

Today I gave my adorable 85 year old, 80 lb patient a foot bath and she closed her little eyes, put her head back and hummed. It was literally the highlight of my day.

That's about it.