sheesh

This next paragraph will only be effective if you can try to imagine it being spoken loudly, quickly, with an innumerable amount of arm gestures. (and by yours truly of course)

I've decided that in the male brain there are certain neurological pathways being completely obstructed by societies influence of computer games, video games, and ESPN. Interestingly enough these neurological pathways are the very same facilitators of those tasks that, when incomplete or unattempted, drive women crazy. If only there was some way we could free those synapses from the bondage they've been subjected to, the water pitcher might just have a chance of making it back into the fridge. Sounds made up I know, but maybe...just maybe if we can make them understand the outstandingly novel idea of "giant cooler keep things cold," luke-warm water would be a thing of the past!


<-storms off->


*No men were harmed in the publishing of this blog*

yet.

I didn't but now I do

Brace yourself, today's blog is NOT going to be very interesting...more informative. If you skip reading this, my feelings will remain intact (just don't tell me and they will).

Isn't it weird that there are things we dislike for so long, and then one day, we decide we like them?
Today I made a list:

Mustard
Ketchup
Tomatoes
Cantaloupe
Honeydew
Beats
Red nail polish
Bangs
Psalms
Robert
The Sound of Music
Chocolate Milk
...and the list goes on

NOW, on the other hand, there are also so many things that I used to love and now-not so much
For instance:

Blue eyeliner
Baggy jeans
Long nails
Piercings
Hairspray
N*sync (not even true: still love them)
Chains
MTV
Crazy print pants (R.I.P. Latex leopard pants 1999)
7th Heaven
Highlights magazine


So for a lot of these there is a pretty obvious explanation behind (blue eyeliner?). But for others, is there really any logic? I'm not sure if I'll ever know. The one thing I'm sure of is that the things that I used to love paint a picture of me that I'm not sure is healthy for people to know. Either way...there it is.

R.I.P.

Text message sent to Dru (my brother)-

Me: Time of dirty rat death 9:19pm 7/24/08

Dru: May he burn in rodent hell

Me: Amen.

Houston, we have a problem

If you haven't read my previous post, you probably won't understand this one. I thought I would give everyone a follow up on my mission to execute the "so-called" mouse in my apartment.

Mouse? WRONG.

On Tuesday I set a few mouse traps, baited them with peanut butter and went to bed feeling confident that my days of fearing for my bread's integrity were over. I woke up the next morning only to find utter, and complete failure.

Of the three traps:
First: Completely unscathed
Second: Void of peanut butter and still intact
Third: Void of peanut butter, snapped, drug across the floor, and covered in claw marks.

I picked up the last trap and examined the scratch marks. There is something wrong here. So I determined it was either a very skillful mouse with abnormally wide feet OR a rat. So last night I went out and purchased a covered trap. Good thing I did too-because I gave my little rat friend something to toss around the kitchen last night. So far this rat has gotten its own peanut butter sandwich out of me, and a night of entertainment with it's new toy, "mouse trap."

Under my stove there were some sticky traps that had been laid by the previous owners. I figured that while I was at work, just to be safe I would set them out. All I could think about was coming home to some big ole', fat rat just struggling to get free of the glue. And to make matters worse, my co-workers informed me that those are the worst because sometimes the rat will do whatever it takes to get free and even rip off its own legs. NOW all I can think about is coming home to a sticky pad with little broken rat legs on it. After seeking advice from several individuals at the Wheatsville CO-OP I went to the hardware store and bought a rat trap you see on the left that could literally kill a cat. I chatted with the maintenance guy who has become a friend after our many visits together (which is a different story all together ). He helped set them up and he is going to come by in the morning to be sure that he takes care of it. But seriously, do you see the size of it? What do you bait that with? A club sandwich? Anyways, please pray for my little crappy apartment and the death of this rat. It's all I ask.

More to come...

Mouse Trap

As many of you know I moved into a new two bedroom apartment this month and currently, am the only one living here. As many of you ALSO know, I'm a complete pansy. Being alone in this apartment has been terrible. Major contributors to my uneasiness include the following: the man who committed suicide on the first floor, the crazy people next door that have been petitioned to be kicked out, the middle-aged man by the pool who rolls his shorts up obscenely high, and most importantly, my new roommate.

Let me explain.

I got home today and thought that a nice egg sandwich was in order (I am my mother's daughter*) I reach for the bread and there I saw it. Two large holes and 1/4 of my bread GONE. A mouse? A mouse in my apartment? Even more than that, a selfish mouse in my apartment? The only thing I can think is: "What do they think they're doing? That was $6 Harvest Grain 12-Grain bread!" Does said mouse think that bread just grows on trees?" After a moment of resentful and bitter thoughts towards the culprit mouse I realized that it was time to show him (jerk) or her (hussy) a lesson.

I then proceeded to google "how to trap a mouse."

Personalized Results 1 - 10 of about 6,560,000 for how to trap a mouse. (0.28 seconds)

See that mouse? I now have 6,560,000 different ideas to hunt you down. If you feel helpless now, just wait until you see this:

Snap Mouse and Rat Traps: Model M150, M201

Easy Set® Mouse Trap (Cheese Pedal): Model M035

Rat Trap - Expanded Trigger: Model M205

Electronic Mouse Trap: Model M25

Quick Set Rat Trap: Model M131

"No See" Mouse Traps: Model M127

TIN CAT® Repeating Mouse Trap: Model M310

And those my friends, are only a few from a long, long list. Ridiculously enough, someone decided to create a sticky mouse trap that glues their tiny bread-stealing-feet down and once caught, the hippie-owner of this shameful trap can vegetable oil the rodent's way to freedom. What kind of world do we live in that we are now sparing the lives of tiny creatures that eat all of your food and squeak around everywhere. Unless your name is Splinter my food is not yours for the taking.

I went out and purchased some old school mouse traps, baited them with peanut butter, and will anxiously await the execution of the Apt. 206 mouse.

Date and time of death TBA.



*Things only family members would understand. For all your other individuals-I suppose you not knowing is a backhanded curse for not being part of my family

eBay

HOW in the world did I JUST figure out that people will buy ANYTHING on eBay??? I'm moving into my new apartment tomorrow so I thought I would start going through my things with hopes that I could get rid of some crap. That's right: crap. So as I was going through my closet I came across a few Abercrombie polo's that I haven't worn in at least two years and that's when it happened...a little eBay voice came into my head and screamed, "Sell me! Sell me to the unsuspecting twelve year old girls that don't know what a 'deal' is and only care about that tiny moose proudly advertised beneath their popped collar!" ".......yes!" I replied. So I proceeded to sell a few polos for an undisclosed amount of money. Then when I thought it was over, my little eBay Id prompted the idea of maybe selling some purses that have long been neglected. Absolutely!

Three hours later, I have less to move and enough money for two plane tickets. I love eBay.

News

Good News: I have bangs! (Note: photo included at bottom of page)

Bad News: The nicknames that have ensued make me want to shave them off like in the 5th grade at Jamie Reid's slumber party.

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Good News: I have been officially accepted to Nursing School.

Bad news: I had my first class ever today and learned how to wash my hands for 4 hours...I've been living life under the impression that a little warm water and friction would do the trick...how could I have been so foolish?

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Good News: My trip this past weekend to Utah was wonderful.

Bad News: I seemed to have picked up a viral infection called Pityriasis Rosea. It consists of bright red hives...and spreads. I feel like that is all the needs to be said.

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Good News: Our new bishopric has made some much needed changes to my institute responsibilities.

Bad News: The new first counselor used the term, "fellowshiphood" in Sunday school while proceeding to record it on the board. *Flashback to the 7th grade when Ms. McDowell pronounced "sepulchre" as "se-pull-chur".........?

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Bad News: I have been missing Kjersti like crazy

Good News: Nothing has gone missing in approximately 30 days, 6 hours, and 16 minutes. (The connection to her marriage is complete happenstance)

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Good News: I move into a new apartment with a great location in a few days.

Bad News: I have about 5,100 ft² less than what I had when I lived at home.

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And for the best news: I am silly happy. I'm so grateful that mom and pop let me move to Austin when I did. I have turned so much around and thanks to the influence of my family, friends, and the gospel, (and potentially Dad's A-type personality I inherited) I have had every opportunity to become someone that I feel content with. There are definitely things I want to change and improve on, but having the assurance that I am on the right path to making these changes is exactly the encouragement that I need. Things have and are turning out much differently than I could have ever imagined, but I would never change them or take them back. Bottom line is: I am simply happy.