Mouse Trap

As many of you know I moved into a new two bedroom apartment this month and currently, am the only one living here. As many of you ALSO know, I'm a complete pansy. Being alone in this apartment has been terrible. Major contributors to my uneasiness include the following: the man who committed suicide on the first floor, the crazy people next door that have been petitioned to be kicked out, the middle-aged man by the pool who rolls his shorts up obscenely high, and most importantly, my new roommate.

Let me explain.

I got home today and thought that a nice egg sandwich was in order (I am my mother's daughter*) I reach for the bread and there I saw it. Two large holes and 1/4 of my bread GONE. A mouse? A mouse in my apartment? Even more than that, a selfish mouse in my apartment? The only thing I can think is: "What do they think they're doing? That was $6 Harvest Grain 12-Grain bread!" Does said mouse think that bread just grows on trees?" After a moment of resentful and bitter thoughts towards the culprit mouse I realized that it was time to show him (jerk) or her (hussy) a lesson.

I then proceeded to google "how to trap a mouse."

Personalized Results 1 - 10 of about 6,560,000 for how to trap a mouse. (0.28 seconds)

See that mouse? I now have 6,560,000 different ideas to hunt you down. If you feel helpless now, just wait until you see this:

Snap Mouse and Rat Traps: Model M150, M201

Easy Set® Mouse Trap (Cheese Pedal): Model M035

Rat Trap - Expanded Trigger: Model M205

Electronic Mouse Trap: Model M25

Quick Set Rat Trap: Model M131

"No See" Mouse Traps: Model M127

TIN CAT® Repeating Mouse Trap: Model M310

And those my friends, are only a few from a long, long list. Ridiculously enough, someone decided to create a sticky mouse trap that glues their tiny bread-stealing-feet down and once caught, the hippie-owner of this shameful trap can vegetable oil the rodent's way to freedom. What kind of world do we live in that we are now sparing the lives of tiny creatures that eat all of your food and squeak around everywhere. Unless your name is Splinter my food is not yours for the taking.

I went out and purchased some old school mouse traps, baited them with peanut butter, and will anxiously await the execution of the Apt. 206 mouse.

Date and time of death TBA.



*Things only family members would understand. For all your other individuals-I suppose you not knowing is a backhanded curse for not being part of my family