RN...here we come!

So, level one nursing students are kind of worthless. We don't know what we're doing. We thought we knew how to use "critical thinking" and "handle ourselves with poise" but really, when we walk in the room to do an assessment we're pretty much stabbing our way through the proverbial dark (in this case, our knife is a stethoscope and the dark is some patient who has been victimized and subject to student-nursing-care). It's kind of like this:

Walk into the room
Me: Hi Mrs. So-and-So, my name is Kasey, I'm an ACC Student nurse and I'm going to be helping out your nurse today. How are you feeling? Whew, okay, first step, introduce yourself, check. Okay...why is she just staring...can i stop smiling? Should I move closer? Does she hate me?

Mrs. So-and-So: I'm Ulna and I like beans.

Me: Okay, um. Well, she's sitting up, so that's good, and well she knows her name...or rather a name...it says here her name is Betty...but Ulna is close so I guess that's okay. And lets see, she likes beans, so...Okay. (Writes down, Alert and Oriented X3) Perfect, okay whats next.

***Assessment continues like this for the next 20 minutes, listening to what you think is her heart (wait, that is on the left right?) and what might be breath sounds...or maybe those were bowel sounds...it's unclear***

By the time you leave the room the nurse asks you what you've found and all you can really come up with is that she worked at the Post Office in Dripping Springs, TX since 1927 and "the mail system has really changed."

Your nursing diagnosis: Patient at risk for death related to being really old.
Nursing Intervention: Monitor patient for breathing and staying a good, safe distance from the light she often refers to.

Well, maybe this isn't so bad, I feel like a real nurse already!